Clotted Emotions
by HeartAuror
Summary: Being reborn in the Naruto Universe is hard enough when you know the world you're in. But sometimes you end up in a world you've never heard of before and have to learn how to cope when Root brings you in. Maybe showing off isn't always a good idea... Semi Self Insert OC (Rating may go up)
1. Prologue

**AN: Wow, I have a lot of SI fics. Oh well, this was bouncing around in my head so here it is. It's just the prologue so it's rather short, but I think I'll have a lot of fun with it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

* * *

Death came quickly for me, but I suppose getting hit by an out of control semi will do that to you. The after-death darkness wasn't a surprise. I never had any strong religious views so nothingness seemed to fit. Except, it wasn't quite nothing. There was a distinct beating noise, slow and steady. It was exactly like a heartbeat, but I knew it wasn't my own.

The actual process of being reborn made me panic. I had grown used to the dark, and it had been so long since I needed to breathe. The need for oxygen had become so foreign that my first gasp came accompanied by tears.

It was weeks later that I came to terms with apparently being born into some part of Japan. My new body felt entirely different from my first, and I knew it wasn't only because I was a baby. Strangely, I was always very aware of my own blood running through my veins. While it was easy to ignore, it was eery how, when I concentrated or was still, I could feel the way the blood ran through my veins. Plus, there was also the feeling of another river in my body. It would be years before I could identify it as chakra. Until then, I would continue to call it the second river.

Once I was finally able to focus past myself I learned quickly, far quicker than any baby. Partially because I had always been really skilled at picking up languages. I was going to college to be a sign language interpreter, but I had also taken four years of Chinese while I was in high school. It wasn't hard for me to recognize the language my parents had been speaking as Japanese and I learned it quickly.

I didn't see any reason to hold back from expressing my literacy skills. I was arrogant and loved to show off. I didn't bother to slow down at all, speaking in full sentences by the time most of my age group had said their first word. My parents were _proud._ I became a bragging right for them very quickly, and I _beamed _under the praise from both them and the strangers they showed me off to.

My elation, however, was short lived. Shimura Danzo seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. This man's presence was so intimidating that, even covered in bandages and using a cane to walk, he commanded the obedience of everyone in the room.

"If you are as intelligent as they say you are." He told me. "You will come with me."

"W-why?" I stuttered, moving to hide behind tou-san's leg.

Kaa-san came and ushered me in front of her, toward Danzo. "It's alright sweetie. These are good men. They'll train you to become a strong ninja like tou-san and kaa-san."

Right. Sometimes I forgot that I was in a world where ninjas are a legitimate profession. Where they could do strange things with chakra. I looked back once more, questioning kaa-san. She smiled and nodded so I left with Danzo, and he took me to a place with no windows. Where the only light was artificial and the only color to see was brown.

The first year there they called something like "phase one". It was terrifying at first, to be in a strange place with no familiar faces. I can still remember that I used to introduce myself with a polite bow every time I met someone new. My parents had encouraged it, and I loved the way it made people fuss over me. In Root, it was turned around. They would ask me time and again, at least three times a day, who I was. If I answered with my name I was punished with harsh violence. If I still had a bruise from the last time I answered incorrectly that was where they would hit again. Within weeks I learned the exact words they wanted as an answer.

"In Root, you have no name. You have no feelings. You have no past. You have no future. There is only the mission."

Despite my answer, I tried to reaffirm to myself that wasn't true. Not out loud, because I had learned quickly that Root had ears everywhere in their facility. There was always an operative ready to deliver punishment. My efforts did me little good. No matter how many times I reminded myself who I was or what Root was, I could feel myself slipping away.

First it was my second identity that disappeared. I couldn't even remember I had been called for two years. Then everything I was Before left. I had memories. I could remember the years of schooling I went through, and everything I learned. But I could no longer identify with the girl who spent her afternoons interpreting plays for those who are deaf.

Maybe I wasn't as far gone as I thought, though. Because I still strived for praise. Acknowledgements from Root operatives are few and far between, but when I managed to do something perfect they would grace me with a simple but powerful phrase.

"Very good."

Insignificant as those words should be, they became the world to me. Every day became a mission where I would attempt to achieve them. My room had very few objects, but I at least had a notebook given to me so that I could practice my writing. In it, along the margins, I kept details on what I had done to receive praise for that day. If I failed my mission for that day I would spend hours wondering what I could do better.

Whatever I wrote, that wasn't for Root to actually look over, was in English. Despite realizing that I would probably never meet another English speaker in this world I felt it was really important to remember it. It was all I had left of Before.

For the entirety of that first year I was isolated from all other children, so it was a shock when it came time for the second phase of my training. I was moved from my old, isolated room to one that I shared with a girl who must have been a couple years older than my now three-year-old self.

"Hello." I greeted with a polite bow before moving to put my only possession, the notebook, in my desk drawer.

"What's that?" The girl asked.

"N-nothing." I said, closing the drawer harshly. "Just some notes."

She only shrugged and turned back to her side of the room. Neither one of us talked anymore that night, both still adjusting to our new circumstances.

In the morning we were taken to a room resembling a classroom. There, we met half a dozen other children ranging from near my age to around six. They, too, had no names. We weren't even allowed to call each other nicknames, but I suppose it wasn't needed with only eight of us. There was no reason to talk about our classmates and names weren't really needed to talk to each other.

We listened attentively in class, all of us most likely going through the same first-phase training. However, when lunch time came we were allowed to talk to each other and our differences came to the surface.

Most of us sat silent and unsure how to interact after a year without the opportunity. One of the older boys, I called him Chatty in my head, as the first to overcome the problem. The moment he took a bite of his food, he made a face and sputtered, "this tastes gross."

"It's good." I disagreed simply, taking a small bit of my tonkatsu.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you just nibbling at yours?" he retorted.

"Because," I bristled. "Unlike juvenile brats, I know how to enjoy my food."

"Hey! I'm older than you!"

"You don't act like it." I retorted

"I was just being friendly! Unlike a certain little baby."

"Pft," I scoffed. "Is that supposed to insult me?"

"Yeah, maybe it is!"

"Guys," interjected a younger boy, whom I later dubbed Peace. "We shouldn't fight."

"I wasn't fighting." I said. "I was only disagreeing with his assessment of the food."

"Why d'ya gotta use such big words?" Chatty whined.

I shrugged, "I like them. They're more precise, therefore better suited to express my point."

Chatty scowled, but before he could say anything Peace spoke up again. "So, class was fun! Do you think we'll really be able to learn all the things sensei told us about?"

"I will." I said confidently. "No way I'm disappointing our Root senpai."

"Me neither." Piped up my roommate. "Because, they picked us specially, right?"

"Yeah!" Cheered Chatty. "I'll even eat this gross pork stuff if it'll make me strong like sensei said."

Even I laughed along with the rest of my classmates. Whatever petty argument chatty and I had gotten into was forgotten as we began discussing that morning's lesson.

After lunch we went back to class. While the morning had been all about theory the afternoon was practical. We had to practice our hand signs and taijutsu katas. It was the first time I had to do anything that required actual dexterity in my hands. Writing also been difficult, to an extent, but I already had practice with a lot of kanji from my Chinese classes.

Some of the children did very well, but others had more difficulty. Personally, I found it rather easy. My only real problem was that I had to remember the names. Because while I could do the hand signs when I was copying the teacher, I had a harder time if he gave us a name, like Dragon. Punishment for these mistakes was the same way it had been when we were unlearning our names.

It was a relief when we were finally dismissed from class. Then, we were given free time to hang out with all the other kids. I gravitated toward my roommate, perhaps because she seem to strive for the same perfection I did. During this time we all had a chance to find hobbies. My roommate and I also tried to find something we could enjoy in our free time, but we found ourselves spending most of our time practicing our lessons.

However, we both find little things to enjoy. When she wasn't practicing with me, my roommate discovered a love for poetry. For someone who was supposed to be so emotionless, her poetry was beautiful. It made me feel more than I had ever felt since joining Root. Perhaps that's why I took up painting. The words she spun together in her free form poetry made me imagine colors... so many colors. And while I could draw things as realistically as I wanted my paintings were impressionist, they were about feelings. My roommate also seemed to enjoy them. We had seen very little color since we joined Root.

It was always strange to me that while Root tried so hard to take away our identity, we were never punished what we did in our free time. My roommate was allowed to write about her love for the sky that she hadn't seen in years. I was allowed to take her words and transform them into all the colors of the rainbow. Never once, were we taken aside to be hit with a stick nor told that what we were doing was wrong. The one time you're allowed to feel emotional was with each other.

So all of us, all eight of us, became very close. Our friendship was all we had to call our own.

* * *

**AN: For those of you who follow Honorable Granddaughter I'm totally still working on that. But yeah, this was in my head and I had to get it down. This'll also probably be a background fic that I just work on when inspiration flares up. Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed and I'd love to hear what you think :3**


	2. Very Good

**AN: This chapter was meant to be at least three times longer than this, but it had to end where it did. You'll see what I mean...**

* * *

I was in Root for two years before learning there was another reason Danzo-sama wanted me. I had a made a stupid mistake when we started shuriken practice. The four pointed star was awkward in my hand and I accidentally cut myself.

I stared at the blood seeping out of my palm in morbid fascination.

"Coat your blood in chakra." The order from the Root operative startled me.

"What?"

"Coat your blood in chakra." He repeated. "Let it seep into the blood."

"Okay." I placed my hands together in a basic hand sign to make it easier and hissed when I rubbed against my cut wrong.

The moment I completed my task I understood why I had been given it. I could feel the blood like it was an extension of me. I felt like I could control it anyway I pleased.

The new discovery made me so giddy that I didn't realize how much blood I was losing. "Stop!" The command made me jump, and I lost all control of the blood. It reverted back into to the plain, thick liquid it had been before. "Bandage your hand."

I followed the order quickly and silently, not eager to mess up anymore than I already had that day.

"We'll arrange time for you to get more practice with the ability." The Root operative informed me. "Until then, do _not _try to figure it out on your own."

"Yes, sir." I struggled to keep the grin off my face as it would not have been approved of. Still, I was ecstatic that I get extra training. It felt like I had a head start in the race against the other children.

The extra training was scheduled during the time I normally spent with the others. Some of them, including my roommate, were clearly jealous. Even more exciting, though, was that my instructor was Danzo-sama himself.

"Give me your damaged hand." I did what he said immediately. He unwrapped it and prodded at the the tender skin around it, so I bit my lip to avoid complaining. "It has clotted remarkably already. As one would expect of the Ketsuhiko clan."

When he opened up the cut again, without warning, I wasn't able to keep quiet. "Ow." It was hardly more than a whimper, but the glare he sent me assured me of how much more he would tolerate-nothing. I bit my lip harder, ignoring the metallic taste in my mouth when I drew blood.

"Put your chakra in, like you did earlier." I nodded and began to put my hands together when he growled. "No, without the hand sign."

"Wha-" I began instinctively before clamping my mouth shut. Nodding, I started again.

It was slower without the hand sign to help direct and control my chakra, but I managed to do it. A giggle escaped me without my permission and Danzo-sama gave me a quick whap with his cane.

"Quiet child." I nodded. "Now, I want you to attempt to stop the bleeding on your palm."

I wanted to protest, say that it already did that on its own, but when I looked at Danzo-sama the words died in my throat. Doing as he said wasn't as easy as I expected. It was like, when I infused the blood with my chakra, my body was eager to supply me with more blood to use. I wasn't able to accomplish any clotting at all before Danzo-sama ordered me to bandage the wound and leave.

The moment I got to my room, my roommate began asking questions. "Where'd you go? Was it really extra training?"'

"Yeah," I told her smiling. "Danzo-sama was training my kekkei-genkai."

"Lucky," she breathed. "I wish I was special enough for that."

"It hurts a lot, though." I said, trying to cheer her up. "And I didn't even manage to do what he wanted."

"Well, are you going to see him tomorrow and try again?"

"I don't know. He didn't say."

She nodded and was silent only for a few moments before she thought of another question. "So what was Danzo-sama like?"

"Amazing." I told her. "He fills up the entire room. He doesn't tolerate any mistakes, and he's a great teacher."

"So cool."

We were both silent for a while, thinking of separate things. Neither of us spoke for the rest of the night except my roommate telling me that she was going to bed.

Danzo-sama did train me the next day. And the day after that. It soon became a normal part of my routine that after class I would train with Danzo-sama. I was training so often with him that I felt like I saw Danzo-sama more often than my friends. Yet, it still took weeks for me to be able to perform the most basic task of clotting my blood. When I finally did, it was worth all the effort I put into it.

"Very good."

Hearing those words from Danzo-sama was a million times better than hearing from sensei or another Root operative. I wanted to do better. I wanted to deserve Danzo-sama's praise.

I think my roommate recognized my drive because she was just as motivated as I was during our classroom spars. On the rare days Danzo-sama was missing we were no longer composing poems or painting emotions. Instead, we trained. We progressed faster than nearly everyone else in the class and were paired together for "Phase Three" the next year.

at seven and five years old my roommate and I were running practice missions. I had fewer and fewer training sessions Danzo, which was disappointing, but I had little time to think about it.

I continued to practice with my kekkei-genkai and my roommate and I learned new skills to help us on mission. For each practice, that could last anywhere from the date a month, we were given code names. I can't tell you the number of names I had to memorize and forget in my final year as a Root trainee.

my roommate and I became a powerful team. With only a glance were able to tell with the other was thinking, and without a word we could work and perfect tandem.

In our last six months of training were given seals on our tongue and taken to work outside. The colors were amazing! My paintings pale in comparison to the work of art nature created on its own. I don't think that even the words my roommate could string together were able capture the beauty. It all seemed so intense after years of living underground.

both of us tried to express how how we felt about finally being outside. For so long we'd forsaken our hobby so we could train further, but our emotions overflowed and we could only think to put the excess on paper.

Before our excursions outside I hadn't been able to summon the will to paint without the imagery my roommate provided. Once outside, though, there was inspiration everywhere I turned. I painted more during those six months than I ever did before. Yet, I never felt like I had the colors to truly show what I felt.

The Root operatives in charge of our training didn't seem to mind that we did this in our free time as long as we completed the missions they assigned to us in the allotted time.

"Hey," I looked up from my paint at my friend's words. "Do you ever wonder where you'd be if you weren't with Root?"

"No, not really." I answered honestly.

"Yeah," She mumbled. "I think I have a sister."

"Huh?"

"Had." She said. "I should have said I _had _a sister. Before all this." She waved her hand in a gesture to signify everything. "I don't remember a lot, but I think I had a sister."

"You're going to get in trouble." I warned her. "Remember, 'In Root, you have no name. You have no feelings. You have no past. You have no future. There is only the mission.'"

She laughed a little, "How can I remember if I have no past?" She waved off the unamused look on my face, "Don't worry. I just wanted you to know... Before everything else happens."

Back then, I didn't know what she was talking about. It was so easy to just go back to my painting like she had never said anything. Unlike her, I was blind to ulterior motives. She had understood what it meant all those times the operatives spoke to us. She listened beyond their words.

"The mission is above all else. Sometimes, you must even kill your friends if it is in the best interests of the village."

I really thought it was just hypothetical. I never would have guessed what they had planned. I would follow orders exactly as they were stated, but I was never good at seeing things that were implied. I was nearly six when I paid the consequences for my oversight.

"You two will fight to the death." Danzo-sama said simply. "Take this as your final order as a trainee."

I stared at the girl I had known by so many names in shock. She had an easy smile on her face. "Are you ready?"

"But…" I stuttered. "What? What's going on?"

"We both said we would disappoint our Root sempai." She reminded me of what I had said so long ago. "Today is when we find out who was right."

"But I…" Words failed me. "I never meant _this! _This is just..."

She pulled out her tipless tanto. "Enough talk."

Only instinct caused me to draw my own tanto to stop hers. She was easily overpowering me though, because she had always been better with weapons than I was. I disengaged from her and quickly sheathed my tanto.

It was so easy from there on. I had faced off against Root operatives hundreds of times during our missions. I brought my thumb to my lip and bit, _hard, _to draw blood. Thoughtlessly, I pumped my chakra into blood that leaked out and manipulated the liquid into a whip-like shape. I cracked it toward my roommate's hand causing her to reflexively drop her tanto.

Then I rushed forward, knowing that as long as she had no weapon I could overpower her. She was all pure strength whereas I used my small body to weave through her limbs to deliver a strong kick to her gut.

It was so simple to grab her tanto as I loomed over her and aim it at her neck. I nearly plunged it into her without a second thought because that was what I was trained to do. The only thing that stopped me was the peaceful smile on her face.

She must have realized I was hesitating because she opened her eyes to stare at me. I flinched at the hand that went toward my face until I realized she was only wiping away tears I hadn't realized I was shedding. "I knew you'd win." She whispered.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "Fight back. Take your tanto back! That's what you're supposed to do! I'm hesitating! Fight back!" I was screaming. I didn't know what else to do. Nothing was right.

"Fine." She said. She pulled out a kunai but before it could get anywhere near me I struck her tanto into her neck. She really would have killed me. I could tell by her eyes. But still, I jumped off of her in horror as she began to make spluttering noises.

"No." I whispered. "No no no no." It was wrong. So wrong. I didn't mean to do that. But I didn't want to die. Not again. Not again.

The world no longer held colors I couldn't name. The world had hardly any color at all. Everything was black and white except the red still spilling from my thumb and her neck. I didn't even know her name. How could I not know her name?

I hardly noticed that I was hyperventilating. I didn't know what to do. Somebody needed to tell me what to do. What would Danzo-sama tell me to do?

"Kill your emotions. Only then, can you carry out your mission effectively."

Right. Kill my emotion. If I didn't feel anything her death couldn't be wrong. I wasn't a person. I was only a tool to do Danzo-sama's bidding. A tool to protect the village. Yes. Her death was for the village. I needed to do that. Danzo-sama had told me. It was necessary. I was only following orders. I was only doing what I was supposed to do.

The world is black and white and red and Danzo-sama couldn't possibly lead me the wrong direction. I only needed to follow orders.

I fled to where Danzo-sama told me to go when the battle was finished. "Is it done?" I nodded, mutely. "Very good."

Right. As long as I heard those words I did the right thing. I did exactly what I was supposed to do.

* * *

**AN: So, yeah, This was supposed to be longer but I couldn't think to keep going on after that. Later, I might go back and fuse this chapter and the one before into one. For now, though, I hope you liked it. **

**I loved your reviews guys :3 I'm so glad I was able to come up with a unique idea and I hope you continue to enjoy it.**


End file.
